The Path to Healing
by NettieC
Summary: For the past 10 months Harm and Mac have been separated and stationed on opposite coasts. Can their daughter's sixth birthday bring them together once more or has the damage been done?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine

The Path to Healing 1/2

Ella Rabb was the image of her mother, dark chocolate hair and matching eyes, olive skin and a smile to melt the heart of any sailor. She was fiery and feisty and had inherited her mother's talent with time, although at the moment it was not as precise as her mother, but then that was to be expected of a five year old.  
>"Five years and three hundred and sixty days," she corrected when people called her a five year old. Mac could only smile with pride.<br>"Your birthday is only five days away, Ella," Mac said as she tucked her daughter into bed. "I think it's time we made some plans."  
>"Will daddy be home?" Ella questioned, tucking her doll in beside her.<br>"I don't think so, sweetie," Mac said with a sigh. "He doesn't think he'll get leave."  
>"In that case," she said, turning her back on her mother. "I don't want to do anything for my birthday."<br>"Okay, Ella," Mac said, kissing her head. "We'll talk about it tomorrow. Good night, sweetie."

Closing the door behind her, Mac drew in a deep breath. She hated what their separation had done to their daughter. All Ella knew was that her daddy was transferred to Florida, while she and mommy stayed in San Diego. The truth was, things had been on the rocks for a while and when the opportunity came for Harm take up the position of command at NS Mayport both he and Mac felt it was for the best if he went and she stayed.

He'd been in Florida for ten months, and while he made it back for Thanksgiving and Christmas, his visits west had been few and far between. Mac and Ella had been to Florida together once, Trish and Frank taking her on the four other occasions she'd visited and she'd loved it – especially all the theme parks which her devoted daddy took her too. He missed her so very much when she went home, almost as much as he missed her mommy.

Making her way to the study, Mac pulled out her briefcase and started work. Never one to shirk her responsibilities, Mac would have preferred to curl up with a book but even though she was now in command, there was still a mountain of paperwork which crossed her desk. The ringing phone rescued her from the drudgery and she answered it before checking the caller ID.  
>"Hey, Mac," Harm said, his voice tired and distant.<br>"Hey, Harm, how are you?" she asked sincerely, she still cared very deeply for him.  
>"Okay," he said with a sigh and Mac knew that meant he was anything but.<br>"What's going on?" she asked him, wishing she could see his face.  
>"I've tried a dozen ways to reschedule things but I can't," he said sadly. "There's no way I'll get there for Ella's birthday. I'm sorry."<br>"Me too," Mac replied with a sigh.  
>"How do you think El's going to take it?" he questioned, already knowing the answer.<br>"Oh, not well," Mac said honestly. "But I'm sure she'll come around."  
>"Thought as much," he said. "Judging from the email she sent me today."<br>"What did she say?" Mac asked, knowing father and daughter often sent emails and photos to each other and used Skype to chat.  
>"That she was only having a birthday if I was there, so if I couldn't make it not to send her anything," he said and Mac could hear the pain in his voice.<br>"Yeah, she said the same thing tonight," she replied, "I don't know how I'm going to talk her into celebrating."  
>"I'm really sorry," he apologised again.<br>"It can't be helped," Mac said, knowing her schedule meant she couldn't take Ella to see him in Florida.  
>"Yeah, I know," he said despondently. He hated this as much as he hated being on the other side of the country to his wife.<p>

Their conversation continued with many trivial details of their lives, both missing the deeper connection they once had. Finally, Harm couldn't take it any longer.  
>"I'm sorry, Mac," he said interrupting her. "I can't do this...I can't ... It's too hard. I'm ..."<p>

And then there was nothing, Mac was left wondering if the line had gone dead.  
>"Harm?" she called out tentatively.<br>"Yeah, I'm still here," he said and she swore she heard tears in his voice.  
>"Are you okay?" she asked, telling herself not to cry.<br>"No," he said. "No, I'm not. I hate this...I hate not seeing Ella every day, I hate not kissing her goodnight, I hate the fact she's turning six and doesn't want to celebrate because I'm here. I hate ... I hate listening to you talk about life there and I'm not a part of it. I hate I can't see you or touch you or hold you because I miss that so much. Despite everything that's happened I am still in love with you, Mac and ... god help me, Mac...this is killing me."  
>"Oh, Harm," she said, wiping at her eyes. "I hate it too."<br>And she did.

For every argument they'd had, particularly in the year before Harm transferred, Mac had a hundred happy memories. There had been frequent occasions since he'd gone that Mac had been awake all night trying to work out where it had all gone so wrong, if it had been so wrong. Yes, she conceded, the arguments had been worse after she miscarried but between hormones and emotions, she had to consider that Harm hadn't done much that was wrong. He had been in pain too; after all, he'd also lost a son.  
>"What do you want to do...about us?" she finally asked when all she could hear was crying down the phone line.<br>"I want us to be together and happy and a family," he said, trying to gain control of his emotions.  
>"That's what I want," Mac admitted. "How do we get it?"<br>"Gorgeous," he said, using the nickname for the first time in a year, "If I knew that we wouldn't be in this mess."

While nothing could be sorted with one phone call, Harm and Mac went to their respective beds feeling far more confident that they could work things through and be a family once more. Mac had been receiving counselling since Harm's departure, something she knew she should have done when she lost Callum at 29 weeks. She hadn't told Harm, she hadn't told anyone, she simply booked in evening sessions with her therapist on a Wednesday in the late afternoon and organised with Trish and Frank to have Ella over for dinner, telling them she was at the gym with her personal trainer.

During his time in Florida, Harm had sought out professional help too. As he didn't want to be seen as weak and in need of such services, he employed the services of a counsellor who made house calls and had a flexible schedule. Work pressures permitting, Harm saw his counsellor every two weeks, just as Mac saw hers. Neither knew that there sessions were both held on Wednesdays, Mac's at 1700, Harm's at 2000, meaning that, with the time difference, both were in counselling on opposite sides of the country at the same time.

The following day, Mac awoke in a much brighter mood than she had in a long time. Knowing it was due to the nature of the call with Harm, she knew she had to keep a lid on her own feelings because of Ella. However, being her mother's daughter, her intuition was strong and she knew something was different.

It was over breakfast she called her mother on her mood shift.  
>"Why are you so happy today, mommy?" she asked as she played with her toast.<br>"Because I had a good night's sleep," Mac replied and it wasn't a lie.  
>"And why else?" she probed, picking up her juice.<br>"Because it's your birthday in four days," she said, hoping her excitement would encourage Ella to be excited.  
>"Well, I'm not," she said before taking her glass and plate to the dishwasher and getting her school bag.<p>

The drive to school was done in near silence and Mac tried every tactic to change her daughter's mood, alas it was to no avail.  
>"Remember grandpa will pick you up this afternoon," Mac said as she climbed out.<br>"I know," she replied. "So you can go to the gym."  
>"That's right," Mac said, and tonight's was the actual gym session, the counselling session having been the week before. "Have a good day, baby. Love you."<br>"Yeah, I love you too," she said before slamming the door and running off towards her friends,  
>"God, Harm, I wish you could come home for her birthday," she said to herself.<p>

After a busy day and a vigorous gym session, Mac headed to La Jolla to pick up her daughter only to find Ella wasn't interested in coming home. In fact, she'd taken herself upstairs as soon as dinner was done, changed into her pyjamas and climbed into her bed. In her almost six years of life, Ella had spent a lot of time in this house and to her it was another home. She had clothes and toys and art work here, she even had her second favourite doll so it didn't matter if she had to stay overnight.

When Trish explained what had happened, Mac went up to investigated, surprised to find her daughter asleep. Feeling her forehead, she had to wonder if Ella might be ill.  
>"Mommy?" she mumbled, feeling Mac's touch.<br>"Hey, baby," Mac said, leaning down and kissing her forehead. "I didn't think you'd be in bed."  
>"I was tired and sad and wanted to sleep here in daddy's bed," she said and Mac knew why, this was Harm's old bedroom and the place where Ella felt the most connected to him.<br>"Okay, honey," she replied, not happy with the thought of going home alone but wanting to the right thing by her daughter, "I'm going to have some supper and then go home. If you change your mind you can come home with me."  
>"I won't change my mind," she said, her eyes closing once more.<br>"Okay," Mac repeated, knowing her daughter had inherited both her parents' stubborn streak. "Sweet dreams."

Entering her home alone, Mac ditched her briefcase, gym bag and uniform in their usual places before heading for a hot shower and changing into her pyjamas. Had she been going anywhere else for dinner she would have showered and changed at the gym, but it was just her in-laws and there was no standing on ceremony where Frank and Trish were concerned. Aside from Harriet, whom Mac had talked to at length after the loss of their baby and when Harm moved, Trish and Frank were the only other ones who knew Harm and Mac were separated rather than just at different duty stations.

On the day the now estranged couple had faced his parents and informed them of their decision, Trish had simply nodded and hugged and kissed her son and told him how much she loved him. Then she had turned to Mac and done the exact same thing reminding her that just because they were separated and Harm was living elsewhere, it did not change their love for her, or their opinion of her, they expected things to go on as they had been. It was an attitude that Mac had been appreciative of over the past year.

Towel drying her hair, she heard her cell ping telling her she had a message. Opening the screen she smiled when she saw it was from Harm. 'If you can, Skype me.'

Making herself a hot chocolate and grabbing the cookie jar, Mac headed to her bedroom with her laptop and turned it on. While it went through all its start up procedures, Mac settled herself into bed and waited patiently. Before long, she could see Harm's face and it made her smile.  
>"Good evening, Harm," she said, wishing he was in the room with her.<br>"Hi, Mac," he replied. "Are you in bed already?" he asked, surprised as it wouldn't have been 2100 on the west coast.  
>"Just climbed in," she said, "How was your day?"<br>"Much better after our conversation last night," he said, playing with his mug. "Sorry I was such a mess but thank you for understanding."  
>"No need to apologise, Harm," she said, "I think I've been a mess for a long time now."<p>

Harm smiled; when he had said that, prior to his move, it had been the cause of another big argument.  
>"How's Miss Ella today?" he asked, looking at a photo of his precious daughter.<br>"Sleeping at grandma and grandpa's," she said before going onto explain the happenings of the night.  
>"Poor baby," he said, feeling sad at the news of his girl's sadness. "I so want to hug and kiss her right now."<br>"She wants that too," Mac said honestly. "I know you can't make it home for her birthday, Saturday, but any idea when you can get leave?"  
>"Maybe by the end of the month," he said, "Any chance you can come east?"<br>"Not for three or four weeks," she said. "I can ask your parents tomorrow if they can take Ella over on the meantime."

Harm half laughed, half sighed. "That would be good," he said with a nod. "As I want to see her desperately but, ah, I want to see you just as badly."  
>"Me too," she concurred. Skype was great but it was a poor substitute for the real thing.<p>

They chatted away for another ninety minutes until Harm yawned once too often for Mac's liking.  
>"You need to get some sleep, sweetheart," she said tilting her head and watching him. "So I'll..."<br>"No, not yet," he protested, there was time for sleeping later. "I want to talk to you some more."  
>"Okay," Mac agreed. "Another thirty minutes and then bed, alright?"<br>"Alright," he agreed before they chatted for another two hours.

As she always did when her daughter slept at her grandparents' house, Mac dressed for work before driving to La Jolla for breakfast. When she arrived, she was surprised to find Ella still in bed asleep.  
>"I don't think she's all that well," Trish said, walking upstairs with Mac. "She was up a few times in the night and I told her I'd call you but she said no."<br>"Does she have a stomach ache or a temperature?" Mac asked, her hand on the door knob to the room.  
>"No," Trish said shaking her head.<br>"Then I think it's missing-daddyitis," Mac said as she opened the door. "Hey, baby girl," she said, spying her daughter sitting up.  
>"Hi mommy," she said opening her arms. "You're early."<br>"No, I'm not, you're just still in bed," Mac corrected hugging and kissing her girl. "Grandma says you didn't sleep well,"  
>"No, I didn't," she said sadly, tucking her head under Mac's chin.<br>"Bad dreams?" Mac suggested, hoping her daughter would offer some sort of explanation.  
>"No," she said with a sigh.<br>"Do you feel sick?" Mac asked before kissing her forehead and checking her temperature at the same time.  
>"No," she said with another sigh.<br>"Are you missing daddy?" Mac asked and Ella's big brown eyes filled with tears.  
>'Aha," she said before hugging her mommy once more.<br>"Oh, baby, daddy misses you so much too," Mac said, kissing her head. "Daddy and I were chatting on Skype last night and he was telling me just how much he missed being home."

In the background, Trish smiled; her daughter-in-law had just revealed two pieces of information which gladdened her heart. The first one was that they were actually speaking, Trish knew that they usually only talked when Ella was there. The second was Mac's use of the word 'home'. For the past ten months when Mac had tried to console Ella she had said that Harm had missed Ella, or being here, or La Jolla, or grandma and grandpa. She had never made reference to him missing home and she had to wonder if there was hope for the pair.

Thursday night, Mac texted Harm and asked him to call his daughter but her request went unfulfilled. There wasn't even a text to explain why he couldn't. Friday, Mac tried a couple of texts and phone calls to him none of which were answered either and she was left thinking he'd changed his mind about things.  
>"I called daddy but he didn't answer," Ella said holding up the cordless phone receiver. "I called him at home and at work and his cell and nothing."<br>"Maybe he's in a meeting, honey," Mac said sympathetically.  
>"At 2200 hours?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. She may have been only five and three hundred and sixty four days but she knew her daddy didn't have meetings at that time on a Friday night.<br>"Maybe he's asleep," Mac said, changing tactics.  
>"Maybe he just doesn't care," she said, slamming the receiver into its base and storming off.<br>"You son of bitch," Mac hissed looking at the phone. Now, not only did she have an upset daughter who didn't want to celebrate her birthday, now she also had one who thought her daddy didn't care.  
>"That has to be me you're talking about," Harm said from behind her causing her to jump. Quickly, she spun around. "Right?"<br>"What the hell are you doing here?" she challenged.  
>"I thought I'd get a better welcome than that," he said, having convinced himself that his actions to get here were going to be rewarded by the love he would see in his wife and daughter's eyes.<br>"Ella's been trying to call you for two days," Mac said, not moving from her spot. "She now thinks you don't care about her."  
>"Ella!" he yelled, knowing he had some explaining to do and hoping to just do it the once. "Ella! Daddy's home!"<br>"Daddddddd-ddddyyyy!" she screamed from wherever in the house she'd been and came charging back into the kitchen, throwing herself into her father's open arms. "I've missed you soooooo much!" she said, squeezing him tightly.  
>"Easy, easy," he said, hoping she didn't do more damage to his chest. "Surprise!" he said, pulling back and grinning at her.<br>"Are you here for my birthday?" she questioned and then proceeded to hug the stuffing out of him when he nodded. "That's so cool and now we can celebrate. Can't we, mommy?"  
>"Of course we can," Mac said, having made all the necessary birthday preparations just in case the birthday girl changed her mind.<br>"Oooh, it's so exciting," Ella said, before looking at her mother and realising Mac wasn't sharing her excitement. "It is exciting that daddy's home, isn't it, mommy?"  
>"It is," Mac said, not wanting to spoil her daughter's newfound good mood.<br>"You don't look excited," she observed as she climbed down from her dad's arms.  
>"I'm just a little surprised to see daddy home," she said, looking to her husband.<br>"Yeah, me too," Ella said before turning to face Harm. "So how come you're home?"

Taking Ella and Mac's hands he led them into the living room and got Mac to sit on the sofa before sitting beside her and putting Ella in his lap.  
>"Yesterday morning, I had to go to a doctor's appointment," he said quietly and while Ella nodded, Mac's heart began to accelerate. "And it was a check up and I thought it would all be over quickly but..." Mac's hand slipped into his, she wasn't liking this at all. "But, when I told the doctor about a lump I had he decided it had to come out so yesterday afternoon, I saw a surgeon and she took it out."<br>"Can I see?" Ella asked and Harm nodded, unbuttoning his shirt. "Does it hurt?"  
>"A little bit when it gets squished in big hugs but usually it's okay," he said, kissing her head.<br>"So did the doctor say you could come home?" she asked, gently touching the transparent dressing on the wound.  
>"He did," Harm said with a nod. "He said I should take it easy for a few days and I asked if it could be for a week and he said yes and so I am on medical leave until next Thursday."<br>"Does that mean you're here until Thursday?" she asked excitedly.  
>"Until Wednesday," he said. "I need to be back at work Thursday."<br>"Well, that's still good," Ella said. "Isn't it, mom?"  
>"Yes, it's still good," she echoed, wanting to ask the pressing question but not wanting to do it with Ella there. "How about you go call grandma and tell her to expect a surprise tomorrow."<br>"Can I tell her what the surprise is?" she asked jumping from his lap.  
>Mac looked at Harm and he nodded. "Sure," Mac said.<p>

As soon as Ella had left the room, Mac squeezed Harm's hand.  
>"What was the lump?" she asked, her fingers still laced with his.<br>"Won't get the results until next week," he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. "Surgeon doesn't think it's anything but as it was on my rib and hurting a bit when I was doing weights, she figured it was better out than in," he said, pulling their joined hands into his lap. "Usually..." he continued, "I wouldn't have taken leave, it's nothing really, but my heart was in worse shape than my chest so I used it as an excuse."  
>"Are you sure it's as innocuous as you are making out?" she questioned.<br>"I promise," he said, producing a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handing it to her.  
>"What is it?" she questioned before smiling. What it was, was a note from his surgeon explaining it was most likely nothing and the lump was removed more for comfort than anything else. "You have a note from your doctor?"<br>"I thought you might need to hear it from someone other than me," he said, his free hand drifting up to caress her face. "I'm really alright. I just needed to be here."  
>"Good," she said with a sigh. "Because I need you to be alright and to be here."<br>"Does that mean I can kiss you, Mac?" he questioned quietly. "Because I really want too. I have missed you so much...I've missed us."  
>"I've missed us too," she said, creeping closer on the sofa.<br>"So, I can kiss you?" he asked, wanting permission before he did anything.  
>"Not if I kiss you first," she said moving forward and kissing him briefly.<p>

One look into his eyes told her the brief touching of their lips did nothing to satisfy his need to kiss her, it hadn't done anything for her either. Running a hand up and around his neck, Mac drew him closer to her and kissed him more deeply, something to which he responded willing.

Before it could take on a life of its own, Ella came running back into the living room with the phone in her hand.  
>"Grandma says..." she started before realising what she was interrupting. "Ugh, grandma, they're kissing," she said into the receiver.<br>Trish grinned broadly, things were looking up.  
>"How would you like to celebrate your birthday here at my house?" Trish said, hoping to give the child's parents some time to themselves.<br>"Yeah, that would be good," she replied. "Can we use the pool and make it a pool party?"  
>"A pool party in March?" she asked. "Why not!" Trish said, more than willing to give her precious granddaughter anything she wanted.<br>"Ooh, thanks, grandma," she said, ignoring her parents in the process.  
>"Would you like to come over tonight and we can plan it?" Trish asked, hoping she was doing the right thing.<br>"Um..." she said, the answer was a hard one. Yes, she'd like to because now she was very excited about her birthday. No, she wouldn't because her daddy was home and she wanted to be with him. "Hold on, grandma."  
>"What does grandma say?" Mac asked, seeing the concerned look on her daughter's face.<br>"Grandma says we can have my birthday there and have a pool party," she told them.  
>"Is that what you want?" Harm asked, knowing his mother could hear this conversation.<br>"Yeah, I really do," Ella said grinning.  
>"Well, we can have it there," Mac said, just happy to have her daughter happy,<br>"But grandma wants to know if I want to go there tonight to plan it," she said. "And I'm a bit stuck."  
>"What are you stuck with, baby?" Harm asked as she climbed onto his lap.<br>"Well," she said before taking a deep breath. "I do want to plan it but I want to be here with you 'cos I've missed you heaps."  
>"Okay, let me speak to grandma," he said, taking the phone.<p>

Moving Ella to his wife, Harm stood and took the phone into the kitchen. "Hi, mom."  
>"Hello, son, I'm glad you're home," Trish said.<br>"Yeah, me too," he said, smiling.  
>"Is this going to be a more permanent arrangement?" she asked, her fingers crossed in hope.<br>"We're working on it, mom," he answered honestly. "Look, about Ella..."  
>"I just thought you and Mac could use some time to yourselves," she said and Harm nodded.<br>"That would be nice but I think it's best Ella stays with us tonight," he said, while he wanted to continue things with his wife, jumping back into bed wouldn't erase the memories of the past few years and wouldn't fix things, they would have to do that by talking and taking things slowly. Besides, he wanted to be with his daughter when she woke up as a six year old.  
>"I understand," Trish said, and she did. "Do you still want to come here for her birthday?"<br>"I don't think you could keep us away," he said with a laugh. "And if you can convince Miss Ella to stay tomorrow night, I think we'd appreciate it."

After concluding the call, Harm returned to the living room to find his girls curled up together.  
>"I told grandma that I need you to stay here tonight as I have missed you so much," Harm said, sitting down beside them. "I hope that's okay with you, Ella."<br>"It's more than okay," she said, climbing into his arms before yawning.  
>"You're very tired, baby," he said, kissing her head.<br>"I know," she said, snuggling into him. "But I want to stay with you."

Leaning over, Mac whispered to Ella but did so at a volume that Harm could still hear.  
>"Why don't you ask daddy to put you to bed in our bed?" Mac said to her. "And then we can all sleep together and when we wake up it will be your birthday."<br>"Daddy," she said, patting his face to get his attention, which was currently directed at Mac. "Can you put me to bed in your bed so we can all sleep together?"  
>"I certainly can," he said, kissing her head before kissing Mac's. It had been ten months since he and Mac had shared a bed. Fourteen since they'd actually made love and while that wouldn't happen tonight, he was willing to take it one step at a time.<p>

Once Ella was settled and asleep, Harm made his way back to Mac taking the time to look at the artefacts and pictures around. Most had been there for years but coming back under these circumstances he was appreciating them all the more.  
>"Can I get you something to eat or drink?" Mac asked, finding him in the hallway looking at a photo of Ella taken a few months back.<br>"I haven't seen this one before," he commented, pointing to the photo in question.  
>"I took that on New Year's Day," she said, picking up the photo. "We had been baking and Ella accidently upended the bowl full of flour and it looked so funny."<br>"Sorry I missed it," he said, taking the photo from Mac.  
>"Me too," she said sadly. "Come on," she said taking his hand, "Let's get you something to eat. I know you don't eat airline food."<p>

Over a light supper of scrambled eggs on toast and fruit salad, Harm sat at the breakfast bar and chatted to Mac as she cleaned up.  
>"Aren't you hungry?" she asked when she realised he was playing with his food.<br>"Yeah, but I..." he started before his voice trailed.  
>"You what?" she asked, drying her hands on the towel and coming around to him.<br>"I..." He took her hands in his before drawing her closer and wrapping her in his embrace. Resting his head on her shoulder he drew several deep breaths.  
>"It's okay," she said, rubbing his back.<br>"I just need to hold you for a bit," he said, looking up at her sheepishly. "Is that okay?"  
>"Sure," she said, holding him tightly. "I've missed this," she said, kissing his head.<br>"There's so much I want to say," he said, his forehead pressed against hers. "So, much we should talk about..."  
>"I know," she whispered, "But we don't have to do it all tonight. Maybe we can get Ella to stay with your parents tomorrow night and some of Sunday ... and I can shuffle work around and give us a good chance to talk before you have to go back."<br>"That would be good," he agreed smiling. They were finally talking, really talking and that was enough for tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine

The Path to Healing 2/2

Taking the opportunity to shower before going to bed, Harm relished in the feeling of being home. Mac, on the other hand, was feeling a little uneasy about Harm being naked in the next room. It wasn't that she was uncomfortable with him using the shower; it was the thought of his naked body, taut, firm and glistening with water being a few feet from her which was causing all sorts of feelings to course through her. Feelings she wanted to act upon but knew she shouldn't. But really thinking, or maybe hoping, that they should consummate the new phase of their relationship before he returned to Florida.  
>"Oh, that feels good," he said, opening the bathroom door dressed in his boxers and a blue tee.<br>"Ready for bed?" she whispered as Ella turned to cuddle into her.  
>"I know you said this was okay earlier, but are you sure it's alright for me to sleep here?" he questioned pointing to his side of the bed.<br>"I'm positive," she said with a smile, reaching across their daughter and pulling back the covers for him. "I know it's been a while..."  
>"It has," he said, sliding between the sheets. "I've missed being here with you."<br>"I've missed having you here," she said, reaching out for his hand.

Before Mac could say anything else, Harm was back out of bed and coming around to her side.  
>"What's up?" she asked, concerned by the look on his face.<br>Sitting down on her side of the bed, facing her, Harm drew a deep breath and took her hand.  
>"There was something I promised myself I was going to do today when I got home," he said, his focus on her hand.<br>"What was that?" she asked, ducking her head to try and get eye contact with him.  
>"I was going to look into your eyes and tell you I love you and kiss you goodnight," he said quickly.<br>"What are you waiting for?" she questioned with a slight smile.

A broad grin spread across his face. He was very glad she was making this easy on him.  
>"Sarah MacKenzie," he said, looking into her chocolate orbs for the first time in what seemed like forever, "I love you so very much and I promise I'm going to do everything I can to get us back on track." Leaning forward, he brushed his lips across hers.<br>"Harm, I love you too," she said caressing his face. "And I promise you that I am going to do whatever it takes so, no matter where home is, we will be there together."  
>"Thank you," he whispered before kissing her again. "Night, Mac."<br>"Good night, Harm ," she said, sitting up as he rounded the bed to ensure she didn't have to let go of his hand.

Falling asleep, their connected hands rested on their daughter, when they awoke they were in the same position.  
>"I'm 6!" Ella announced loudly as she sat up between her parents yawning and stretching.<br>"Yes, you are," Harm said, pulling her towards him. "Happy birthday, Ella Bella," he said before smothering her with kisses.  
>"Silly, daddy," she giggled as she always did when he rhymed her name. "It's Ella Matilda."<br>"I know," he said, kissing her head, after all, they'd chosen Matilda in honour of the big sister Ella never had the chance to meet.  
>"Happy birthday, baby girl," Mac said, taking her turn to hug and kiss her child.<br>"I'm not a baby anymore," she announced. "I'm six!"  
>"You'll always be mommy and daddy's baby girl," Mac said holding her tightly.<br>"When do I get my presents?" she asked, sitting up once more.  
>"I didn't think you wanted to celebrate your birthday," Mac said with a smirk.<br>"That was when daddy wasn't going to be here, but he is and it's my birthday," she said her smile turning into a pout when she thought her mom was serious and she wasn't getting a present.  
>"I bet if you go look in your bedroom you'll find something," Mac said and instantly the child was gone.<br>"When did you put her present there?" Harm questioned, surprised.  
>"About three when I had to get up for the bathroom," she said, sliding closer to him. "The rest of her things are in the trunk ready to take to La Jolla but I left..."<br>"Wow!" Ella screamed and Harm and Mac climbed out of bed and headed to her room. "Wow! Wow! Wow!" she yelled jumping up and down.  
>"What are you so excited about?" Harm asked, smiling at his daughter's excitement.<br>"It's just what I wanted!" she said jumping up and down. It was a 20 inch Diamond Impression bike in hot pink, just what she had needed after outgrowing her last one. "It's so cool and my favourite colour and ...and everything!"  
>"Well, then I think you have something to say to mommy," he said, stepping aside.<br>"Thank you, mommy," she said wrapping her arms around Mac's neck as she bent down to embrace her child. "I love it."  
>"I'm glad you love it," Mac said kissing her head. "Now, you need to thank daddy too."<br>"Thank you, daddy," she said, hugging him tightly.  
>"You're welcome, baby," he said kissing her head. "And thank you, mommy," he whispered, knowing he hadn't had a part in the purchase of this gift.<p>

Happy to go out riding with her daddy while mommy organised breakfast, Ella was red faced and breathless when she came back still dressed in her pyjamas.  
>"I'm starving!" she announced dropping into her chair.<br>"How about you go wash up first?" Mac said just as she was about to dive into the pancakes.  
>"Okay," she said, she knew better than to argue. Back in a flash, she grabbed two pancakes and went for the lemon and sugar option. "Mmmm, mom these are delicious."<br>"Glad you like them, El," she replied, taking two for herself. "Grandma rang to say 'Happy Birthday' and to let you know Grandpa turned on the pool heater so it will be ready whenever you are."  
>"Grandpa rules!" she said excitedly.<br>"And Grandma asked if you wanted party food or a barbeque for lunch and I said..." Mac continued.  
>"Party food," they both said in unison.<p>

Harm just shook his head and grinned; while he preferred his daughter eat something a little more nutritional, Mac had been her sole caregiver for most of the last year and he didn't feel it was his place to comment. Still, to see both his girls happy and the usually present tension between himself and Mac gone, he could only smile.

The first ten minutes at the Burnett household were spent with Trish hugging and kissing her granddaughter and son. The former was full of love and birthday wishes, the latter was a welcome home and hope for the future, interspersed with a few reprimands about how thin and tired he looked.  
>"I'm okay, mom," he said hugging her once more.<br>"Except for his stitches, grandma, so don't squish him too much," Ella announced and Harm grimaced, he was hoping to keep that piece of information to himself.  
>"Later," was all he said as Ella approached once more. "It's time to celebrate someone's sixth birthday. I wonder whose it could be?" he said scooping her up.<br>"It's mine, daddy!" she said, shrieking when he tickled her.  
>"Love you, Ella Bella," he said kissing her temple.<br>"Love you too, daddy waddy," she replied, kissing him back.

As Mac and Trish worked in the kitchen and Frank sorted out an issue with the pool filter, Harm and Ella spent some quality time chatting and playing games. He'd missed this, just hanging out with the family. While most of his attention was on his now six-year-old he couldn't help but wonder how Mac was surviving with his mother. Whilst he knew the pair had a great relationship which, thankfully, hadn't been damaged by the separation, he knew his wife would currently be undergoing the third degree. From experience, Harm knew he'd rather be in front of a court martial than his mother when she was on a mission for information. He wondered if he should go and rescue her.  
>"Hey, Ellie Bellie, can you do me a favour?" he asked, standing up from the floor.<br>"Sure, daddy," she said, standing with him.  
>"Can you go and ask mommy if she can bring me some water, please?" he asked and Ella nodded and took two steps before turning back to him. "Can't you just get it yourself?"<br>"I can," he said with a nod, "But I'm sure grandma would love for you to go into the kitchen to taste test something,"  
>"Oh yeah," she said running towards the kitchen.<br>"One glass of water," Mac said, coming into the living the living room a few moments later. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked as he sat in the armchair.  
>"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks," he said taking the glass. "I just wanted to check in with you and make sure mom wasn't giving you too hard a time in there."<br>"I think she's up to question 63," Mac said with a tired smile. "At the moment she's asked everything but 'the' question."

Harm frowned momentarily. "Ah, what's 'the' question?" he asked, needing to know if he knew the answer.  
>"Whether we are officially back together and, as a subsequent question, if we are, where will we live?" she said, studying his face for any reaction.<br>"Well, if I was answering," he said slowly and quietly. "I'd like the first answer to be yes and the second to be San Diego."  
>"I like those answers," Mac said with a smile.<br>"Then, if she does ask, you have your answers," he said taking her hand and kissing it.  
>"What about your post?" she asked, it wasn't as easy as just throwing in a job or transferring cross country.<br>"There's information you're not privy too at the moment," he said, squeezing her hand. "But if Ella stays here tonight we can have that conversation."

Mac studied him for a moment. He didn't seem distressed or anything actually, and then the thought struck her. "You'd tell me if you were sick, wouldn't you?" she asked, gently touching the area of his chest with stitches.  
>"I would and I'm not," he said quickly, kissing her cheek to reassure her.<br>"Okay," she said willing to let the topic drop as her daughter came in but they would definitely be having that conversation and having it tonight.  
>"Grandma wants to know if we want to swim before lunch," Ella announced as she dropped herself into Harm's lap.<br>"Is the pool ready?" Mac asked, knowing that's where Frank was.  
>"I'll check," she said jumping up once more and running through the house.<br>"Walk!" they both called in unison.  
>"Are you able to swim with this?" Mac asked touching his chest again.<br>"Probably not," he said, looking down at his shirt. "It's a waterproof dressing but that's for the shower. I don't think submerging myself in water would be the right thing."  
>"We can swim!" Ella called from the back door.<br>"How about you go help your mom and I'll go swim with her," Mac said, glad to get away from the Spanish Inquisition for a while.

Harm nodded; truth was he'd rather go sit by the pool and watch them swim. It was far more enjoyable than being confined in the kitchen with his mom.  
>"Go on," Mac said giving him a shove towards the kitchen. "She won't bite...besides, at least you have the answer if she asks 'the' question."<p>

Taking a step in, Harm's intention was to kiss Mac, Ella had different ideas.  
>"Is someone going to come and swim with me please?" she called from the back door. "It is my birthday, you know?"<br>They laughed. "That girl is getting too cheeky for her own good," Mac said shaking her head.

The day was delightful, there was swimming and games, mountains of food and a very spoilt little girl who had received more than what she'd asked for. And while she loved every gift and would spend countless hours with them, in the future, there was truly only one thing she wanted for this birthday and she happily abandoned her new possessions for some time in her daddy's lap.  
>"Did you get the Spanish Inquisition?" Mac asked when she finally had a moment to speak to Harm privately while she prepared coffee for the adults.<br>"No," he said with a shake of the head. "I went in, she asked me 'the' question and I answered and then she asked about the procedure I'd had done and I told her and she just hugged me."  
>"I should have sent you in first," Mac said shaking her head.<br>"I talked to mom about having El tonight and she said she would, they had something they were going to ask her anyway so it fits into their plans," Harm reported, wanting to wrap his arms around her, a little unsure if he could.

Reading her husband just as well as she always had, Mac took a step closer to him.  
>"So maybe we can go home after this coffee and talk," she said, wishing he'd put them both out of their misery and hold her.<br>"That would be good," he said, slowly lifting his hand and running it up her arm.

Mac's reassuring smile led him to run his hand all the way up to her shoulder before sliding it down to the middle of her back.

As soon as Harm lifted his other hand, Ella came running in.  
>"Mommy, Grandma wants to know if I can sleep over tonight because she and Grandpa are going to that special market in the morning and she said I could go this time and then maybe we could meet you at the alfalfa place you like for lunch," she said in one big breath.<br>"Alfalfa place?" queried Harm. It didn't sound like a place Mac would go.  
>"Alfredo's," Mac corrected for Harm's benefit. "It's an Italian restaurant."<br>"Ah, that makes sense," he said with a smile. 'Carbs and calories as opposed to greens and..."  
>"Grass," Mac supplied with a grin. Happy their old banter was back.<br>"Touché'," he said before turning his attention to Ella. "Do you want to stay?"  
>"Yes, please, daddy," she said earnestly, looking up at him. "Grandma says the market is amazing and it has those candy things she bought me last time and there's a fair thingy and ..."<br>"Mommy?" he questioned looking at Mac.  
>"Will you bring some of that candy home for me?" she asked, picking her daughter up.<br>"Yeah, ha," she said nodding. "Two bags for us to share."  
>"Okay," she said, patting Ella's butt as she put her down. "Go tell Grandma you can stay."<p>

Back home by eight, Harm fixed drinks for them both while Mac had a quick shower to rinse of any residual chlorine from the pool. Reappearing 10 minutes later in her pyjamas, Mac picked up her glass of tropical juice and sat on the sofa, folding her legs and leaning against the arm so she could look at Harm.  
>"What information don't I know?" she asked when Harm hadn't spoken.<p>

Harm smiled; straight to the point, that was the marine he loved. "I've been in counselling since I moved to Florida. First, it was weekly, now it's every two weeks," he said, putting down his glass and then taking hers so he could hold her hands. "And I learnt a lot about myself and about us..."  
>"For the record," she interrupted. "I've been in counselling too. Same schedule as you."<br>"Shame we couldn't do it before we ended up on opposite coasts," he said, squeezing her hands. "Anyway, the biggest lesson I learnt was that I am not the same person without you. I don't like who I am without you. I know it sounds corny but you do complete me. I did a lot of work on what I think went wrong but in the end I think we both buried ourselves in our own things as a way to work through our grief at losing Callum and we lost each other in the process."  
>"I think you're right," Mac said nodding. "I felt so bad about losing our baby and thinking it was all my fault..."<br>"It wasn't your fault though, gorgeous," he said, caressing her face.  
>"I know that, now," she said. "But I couldn't see that at the time and I felt so guilty every time I saw your pain. In the end, I think it was easier to fight with you and see your anger than to see your pain."<br>"Are you open to doing some couples therapy?" he asked, knowing they still needed some professional help to get things back to the way they used to be.  
>"You'd do that with me?" she asked surprised. She had asked him to do it after she lost the baby but it wasn't something he was able to commit to.<br>"Definitely," he replied. "I should have done it when you asked but it was just all a little too hard."  
>Mac nodded. "So if we do couples therapy we'd have to be living in the same place."<br>"We would," he agreed. "I'd be living here, in this house, with you. If you'll have me."  
>"Of course I'll have you," she said, leaning forward and kissing him briefly. "So, what don't I know?" she asked again.<br>"The reason I was so inflexible with my arrangements to be home this weekend, was because a month ago I submitted my paperwork for retirement," he said, looking deep into her eyes. "And I've been working 24/7 to wrap up everything so I can bring forward my terminal leave to as soon as possible."  
>"You're retiring?" she asked surprised, this wasn't the turn of events she'd expected.<br>"I am," he said with a nod. "Whether or not we reconciled, and I prayed every night that we did, I couldn't stand being so far away from you and Ella. A few sessions in with my therapist and I knew I should never have gone in the first place. I was using Florida to run away from our problems and that just made things worse."  
>Mac nodded. "I shouldn't have encouraged you to go," she said. "I just really thought that things were so strained here that it couldn't have made things worse."<br>"But it did," he said with a sad smile.  
>"But it did," she agreed taking a deep breath,<br>"Mac, I never blamed you for Callum, you know that, don't you?" he asked earnestly, his eyes locked on hers.  
>"I know that now," she said with a nod. "But you have to understand back when it happened I wasn't thinking too clearly about anything. I loved you but I hated you too... but never enough to stop loving you. I cried myself to sleep the first three months you were at Mayport."<br>"Oh, Mac," he said leaning across to wipe away her tears.  
>"I know we didn't have much of a marriage by the time you left but it killed me that you'd actually left me...and I know I said I wanted you to go ... but it still killed me," she said leaning her face into his palm.<br>"It killed me too," he said, swiping his thumb across her cheek. "But I honestly thought I was doing the right thing...the thing you wanted me too."  
>"I know," she said, crawling across the small gap into his lap before wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry we put each other through it."<br>"Me too," he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. "I love you so much."  
>"I love you too," she said, kissing his neck. "I've been so desperate for your touch, your tenderness, your company."<br>"Me too," he said, kissing her head. "I want you so much," he added.  
>"I want you too," she said, her lips finding his,<br>"But I don't want to rush us ... if you think we should wait until our relationship is back on firmer ground then I'll wait," he said, kissing her forehead.

Mac pulled back and looked at him as she considered his words. He made a good argument for waiting, one which she knew she should probably agree with but she couldn't ,she needed him, she needed all of him. "Promise me you're coming home to me."  
>"I promise I'm coming home to you," he said, raking his fingers through her hair. "I should be home within 60 days."<br>"I can't wait 60 days for you," she said, her lips finding his once more. "I can't wait 60 seconds."  
>"Thank god," he muttered before he leaned forward and kissed her deeply.<p>

That night they made love for the first time in 425 days. It was passionate. It was loving. It was everything they could have hoped for and when sleep finally came for them it was in the early hours of the morning, both were sated and more in love than they had ever been. Both knew it was only one aspect of their relationship and that they needed to work hard to reconnect on all levels. However, both were more than willing to do so.

Losing Callum had been devastating, Losing each other had been catastrophic and although it had been the hardest two years of their lives it had been something they had to endure to appreciate what they had had and to learn what they truly needed out of life and it wasn't a surprise that it was each other.

Over the following year, they worked endlessly at their relationship. Harm returned home permanently 56 days later and ended up doing private work. There were individual and couple counselling sessions, there were great days and hard days but by the time Ella turned seven things were back on course. So much so, that it was on that day Mac conceived their third child, David Callum MacKenzie Rabb, who was born nine months later; healthy, happy and a sign that they were well on the path to healing.


End file.
